Arkansas Health information archives

Good step-parenting skills

Step or "blended" families are making up an increasingly larger slice of the family pie. In 2010, about 4.2 million children lived with a biological parent and a step-parent in the U.S. alone. But just because more households are blended doesn't make that blending any easier. Below are just a few pointers that can help keep your blended family from becoming scrambled.

Make your marriage a priority

If your marriage isn't solid, you can't expect a solid family life. Wedding day bliss can quickly fade as day-to-day routine takes over; be sure to plan "dates" with your spouse and remember why you married them in the first place! Also make sure to discuss issues such as parental roles, rules, discipline and so on.

Be the adult

Children can rude, disrespectful and downright hateful. Loyalty issues, jealousy, hurt and confusion can create a quagmire of emotions in a child, and step-parents are the easiest targets for this morass of feeling. Unfair? Yes, but if you react in anger or build your own protective walls, you will do little to further the relationship and will contribute to an already difficult situation.

Other important tips for step-parents

• Avoid arguing in front of the children; they will naturally try to widen any chinks in the marital armor.
• Never speak negatively about the children's other parent in front of them.
• Spend one-on-one time with all the children in the house, whether they're yours, mine or ours.

Though these may be good starting points, one size does not fit all. Different personality types and situations create different families. And experts say it can take up to two years (or more!) for step-families to stabilize. Use all the resources you need -counseling, websites, seminars, books and more -to help navigate the potentially troubled waters of blended family-hood.

For research and tips for developing positive step-parenting skills visit:
http://www.nycourts.gov/ip/parent-ed/pdf/NationwideSurveyofStepparentRights.pdf